


In her private heart no woman respects herself.

by Buttered_Toast



Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: Body Positivity, F/M, lady whistledown reveal, penelope needs to learn self love, romancing mr bridgerton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28818759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttered_Toast/pseuds/Buttered_Toast
Summary: Penelope tells Colin about her alter ego days before their wedding, he is furious and Penelope thinks the worst. But no one says such villainous comments about the future Mrs Colin Bridgerton not even the future Mrs Colin Bridgerton herself.
Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington
Comments: 12
Kudos: 322





	In her private heart no woman respects herself.

**Author's Note:**

> After all the love I got on my other Bridgerton story "Not in her good books" people asking for Polin, I decided I am going to write a little Polin piece. I loved and I mean loved the Whistledown reveal in the book, but this is my own little take. Because angry Colin isn't really shown as a possibility in the netflix show but boy does he show up in book 4.

It wasn't until she looked up at Colin that she realised that his facial expression did not convey shock or disbelief, but anger. Strictly speaking, Penelope had not completely written off the idea that he could be angry at her, after some of the things Whistledown had said about his friends, family and peers, it was always a possibility. 

“You are in jest, surely?” Colin sluttered, pacing slightly running a hand through his hair. Penelope remained seated on the chaise longue in her mother’s drawing room.

“No, I am Lady Whistledown” she wished she felt as confident as her voice sounded. She was beginning to regret telling him.

But this was the right thing to do.   
She was of proper breeding and she knew just how toxic marriages built on lies could become after observing people of ton for many years. And besides she wanted to give herself to Colin entirely on their wedding night, body and soul. It was only fair that she got this done before the wedding not to dampen the day. 

“Why?” his voice was unusually cold, and stilted. Nothing like the Colin Bridgerton she had grown to love. She didn't dare meet his eyes, in case she lost her resolve. She wasn't ashamed of Lady Whistledown, she was proud, she was her whole life's work. She just didn’t want her future happiness to be brought down by it.

“You have no idea what it is like for a woman in my position” she felt cross now, but maybe the anger would hold back her tears until she got out what she needed to say. “I am invisible Colin, no one notices me and when they do it a sly comment or a to ask of my sisters. I knew spinster- hood awaited me and it's taken years for me to come to terms and find happiness in it. Lady Whistledown gave me a safety-net, my own money, my own income. My future did not have a man- a husband to shelter me so I shelter myself” her voice wavered but that didn’t stop Colin’s pacing, he was going to wear a groove into her mother’s carpet. 

“Why tell me now?” a small voice in the back of her head that sounded an awful lot Cressida muttered _silly girl, if you’re going to trap such an eligible bachelor into marriage you tell the secrets after the vows have been said._

“I know you are surprised-”

“No not surprised, furious!” he sounded it too, she has never really heard him raise his voice and never at her. He was always so kind with her.

“Colin please-” 

“The things that woman wrote- that you wrote it doesn't make sense” he was back to pacing and shaking his head. If the situation wasn't so serious she might have commented that she looked like Newton shaking his coat after a spring rain. 

“Of all the people, the fact it is you...” his voice was harsh but he did look very confused too. Penelope wished she could smudge away the lines on his forehead with her thumb. 

“I did not intend to hurt you Colin, or burden you with this secret. I-I- You deserved to know, before we married.” This only seemed to frustrate the young Bridgerton even more. 

“I think I am going to take my leave, I will call on you tomorrow. Once I have had time to digest this” his voice was flat and quiet, Penelope would have preferred for him to yell at her some more. She held her breath until he had left the drawing room, before a sob over took her. 

Penelope had barely slept the night before and her mother even smiled when she declined breakfast, as though a few slices of toast was going to affect her measurements in some dramatic way. Closer to 11:30 the clock ticked the faster Penelope’s heart raced, her palms becoming damp and mouth dry. She didn’t know what she was going to say, she knew she needed to tell him the truth and she didn't regret doing so. She also promised herself that no matter what happened today she refused to apologise for being Lady Whistledown. She had learnt long ago that not everyone would give her the respect she deserve but she would be damn sure to show herself the respect she deserves. 

There was a silence after Colin was announced, not a comfortable silence but a silence which crawls under your skin and eats at the soul.   
“Colin-” “Penelope-” a small smile was shared between them, it was enough to lift the choke hold on Penelope. 

“I can’t imagine what else you expect me to say. I am sorry you are upset and I am not the girl you first proposed to. But I am, Lady Whistledown and I are the same.” 

Colin looked away before reaching into his pocket, pulling out old Whistledown columns. He laid them out one by one, on the table in front of them. Penelope wanted to ask what this was, but his face looked vulnerable. He didn’t look as angry as he did the day before, but he didn't look happy. He didn't look like the carefree Colin everyone knew and loved. It broke her heart that she had done this to him. 

“After I left yesterday, I raided Eloise’s Whistledown collection.” Penelope didn’t know what to say. Had he told Eloise? But she decided to let Colin have his turn. Before he had even begun to make his point Penelope knew that this would determine their future together. “Do you know what is so special about these pieces?” 

She quickly scanned them, they were older columns most were back from when she was out in society, her third and fourth seasons. Before she became an unofficial spinster. But most importantly they all concerned him in some way. 

“They all mention you, Colin I swear nothing I said about you was negative or purposely nasty” it was true, Whistledown only spoke harshly about those who truly deserved it. Colin looked at her in disbelief. 

“Look again” as she did but once again she couldn't see a correlation, why he considered these columns as ‘special’. They varied in season, some covered balls others musical galas. They concerned different people of the ton, out of the twenty pieces on the table, fourteen of them concerned Colin. She just looked at him again, shaking her head. 

“Seriously!” he yelled before sweeping them all into a pile. 

“Many couples of the Ton graced the dance halls this season, dancing with not what this author calls grace but at least they are dancing. Which can not be said for the Featherington girl, one would think the colour she wear sends out a warning sign, like a poisonous bug” he slammed the paper on the table. 

“Much like the bitter yellow in her dress, Miss Penelope Featherington left a horrid taste in some guests' mouths at the Derrington Gala with that atrocious head piece, one wonders why the girl wants to appear larger than she already is” again this was slammed on to the table. 

“Desperate times may call for desperate measures and this author noticed one Penelope Featherington may have finally sheet some of her puppy fat however in the desperation of fitting into the size of a suitable debutante she now has the arms of a dowager” this time he practically threw the paper at her. 

“How could you say this stuff about yourself?” he said crossly. Penelope was momentarily shocked at the direction this had taken. She expected to be yelled at about what she had said about his friends and family. Instead he was mad that she chose to write about herself, she was confused. 

“It would be suspicious had I not wrote about myself and my family” 

“No” 

“What do you mean no? Of course it would have looked suspicious” 

“You could have just stuck to your dress was ugly, why...WHY would you say this- these villainous comments” he roared, grabbing her shoulder. She had nothing to say. “Unless...Unless you honestly believe what you have written? After all Whistledown is famous for her unflattering accuracy, I can’t think of a single column which has been false” when she didn't answer Colin threw the rumbled column onto the floor and kneeling in front of her. 

“I am not mad about you being Whistledown” Penelope raised an eyebrow at that “Okay fine I am a little mad. Do you realise how dangerous this could be if someone else found out? But that is not what I am mad about truly, anyone who dare say such things about my future wife deserves the worst of my wrath, including my future wife” 

“Colin” she sounded so breathless, for the first time she was since a girl she honestly felt like she could become a bird. The speed her heart was beating could surely make her fly, she truly felt light enough. 

“I just wish you saw how beautiful you are, because you are beautiful and I hate that you wrote that stuff about yourself, that you believe that-that rubbish” he dropped her hands to hold her face. “Please promise me, promise now that you stop this nonsense of you not being beautiful” 

“I-I can not promise Colin but I can promise to try” 

“I hope you are more sure with your vows tomorrow” he teased kissing her “I will just have to show you exactly how beautiful I think you are” 

“Mr Bridgerton ” she shrieked in laughter as his lips found her throat. 

**Author's Note:**

> please send me love, it is carrying me through lockdown 3.0 in the UK. Also I hope you like the little bird comment, because it broke my heart in the books, and even though they try to redeem Mrs Featherington slightly, the scene in the office with Felicity and her water colours was just amazing and I pray we get it in the tv show.


End file.
